My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
