My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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