There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
