I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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