yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
