Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
