Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
