Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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