That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize