The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
