My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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