trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
