I just made out with a guy for $7.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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