So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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