Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
