I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
