i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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