So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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