We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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