I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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