Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
