Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
