is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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