it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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