census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
