so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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