508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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