The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
