did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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