I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
