My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
