You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sext me about skeletons
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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