After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
