I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
