your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
