So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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