My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
