Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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