did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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