It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have aggressive nipples.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
