i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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