i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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