watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
