I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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