If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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