I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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