im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
Randomize
