I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
