no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
