but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
