when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
