i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will be naked everywhere
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
