I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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