Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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