Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's blow job season.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
