Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
