Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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